Golden Years

Most of the time I don’t feel my age. Most of the time I feel younger. Except for those times after up late drinking nights or if I’ve done more physical work than normal then I feel older than I am.
I’m 38 just turned in February. I have a hard time with that number too. Hard time inching towards that next decade of 40. And probably because I don’t feel 38. I don’t look it either. People are always shocked when I tell them my age. But I’m starting to see signs though. A gray hair peeking out. Skin not so fabulous. A few extra pounds that I don’t want and seem so hard to get rid of. Things going wrong with the body – I’ve had gallbladder and thyroid removed. Parts of the ol’ body ache. The mind ain’t always working/remembering so well. But I’m trying to fight back against aging by trying to eat better and workout.
As I get older I have to come to grips with my parents getting older and one day may not be here. My girls are getting older too. They aren’t my little babies anymore (even though I tell them they will always be my babies.). They are turning into little girls and growing up. I’m so not ready for teenage years.
At 38 I never imagined being a divorced mom living with my boyfriend (who is actually younger than me but everyone thinks he’s older-WIN.) I was going to marry “till death do us part “and there was no other option. Boy was I wrong. Never thought at 38 I’d be a mom of two beautiful and wonderful girls who no longer have a daddy. Never thought I’d have to tell my kids this young that their dad died suddenly and unexpectedly. That is still something I’m coming to grips with. Still want to barf when I think about it or see photos of my ex.
But I just keep going through the motions of life. Keep telling my girls to not grow up too fast that is not all fun and games being an adult. Even though I do try to keep having fun. I’ve realized that all I can do is keep having fun, be happy, love my girls like crazy, and watch the years go by.